You are a free-loading eco terrorist.  You exhale the most lethal substance known to gorekind: CO2.

CO2 is wiping out winter as you knew it as a child, when you  slipped and slid your way to school in seriously subzero temperatures.

Hockey is a global warming casualty and the NHL is about to finish its final season.

Peer-reviewed UN studies have blamed rising cancer and diabetes rates on global warming.

AIDS, alcoholism, and impotence are under the UN microscope to prove  their links to crime it change.

A warming Earth also energizes cavemen terrorists who more than ever before are determined to destroy the free world and replace it with Shariah Law.

There was no winter in Japan this year.  Palm trees now line 川原町 and 御堂筋. Phallus-orbiting, mini-skirted yellow fever-inducing, Bacchanalian houris prowl the streets 365 days a year.  The temperatures are high always and so are the passions.

Yet, in spite of this, and the fact that all Earth’s glaciers are melting fast, Japan now mysteriously has glaciers.  We know this runs counter to our predictions of worldwide crime it change-created flooding of all major seaports.  We are hence planning further geo-engineering (what conspiracy nut cases call “chemtrailing”) of our skies to cool this already insanely overheating planet.

Let’s re-start our nuclear reactors now in order to save the Earth.  Japan depends on clean, cheap and safe nuclear power as a means of fighting global warming and providing its people with a steady supply of abundant energy.