Mother, you are a toxic waste shithole.  When I finish smoking my Big Tobacco fag, I dispose my petrochemical fag butt on you because you are my ashtray.  I do it billions of times every fracking day, even in nature loving Japan.

I’m a big fan of the Gulf of Mexico which is why when you got a little oily a couple of years ago, partying with Goldman Sachs and BP, I applied a little Nalco flavored Corexit to sink the oil so that we could hide the mess under the carpet.  I love life so much and that’s why I orgasm when I see more and more of your life forms born deformed.  And yeah, it’s true, we’re working on dumping clean nuclear waste into the Gulf as well…it’ll help to revitalize the shrimpers!

No, I’m not forgetting the Niger River delta.  I support equal opportunity rights, which is why I’ve done my darndest to destroy Africa.  You see, it’s just too naturally rich, too much of a potential tenbagger.  Hook the niggers to debt and the HIV religion: it’s the way of the UN/IMF/WHO–for peace and freedom, naturally.

I am the London Missionary Society’s standard operating procedure for the little brown fucking machines of the South Pacific: chop down them breadfruit trees because the Lord wants you to work.  Ban surfing, dancing and topless women, for that is all the work of the Devil and in Christ’s Demonic Kingdom, we certainly won’t be having any of that.

Your waste is shit and piss, snot and spit.  Too easy, far too much of a joy ride.  My waste is radioactive, cancer causing, and life destroying.  It lasts forever and I convince you stupid, TV-addicted, KARA-adoring, UN-worshiping, interest-bearing termites, nuclear power is cheap, clean, safe and most effective at combating Crime It Change.  All hail the mighty Volcano Fukushima!  Long live Lucky Island!

Yeah, you heard me right, your exhalations are poisonous.  You are eco-terrorists, and you will not get away with your freeloading ways forever.  You will pay to exhale, and failure to comply will mean immediate disappearance, and or, permanent retirement, because you are the Replicant I seek to destroy.

Mother, you turn me on so much I wanna frack you.  I’m so holy these days my sperm has turned into hydrochloric acid.  I’m high on circumcised Zoloft and my name is Oedipus Rex…